After the fire (covered in ashes)
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: Screams, blood spraying onto his tongue and running down his throat, chunks of warm meat in his mouth, skin caught between teeth. "Gar. Wake up." The team try to put themselves back together after the asylum (primarily focussing on gar and Dick)
1. Chapter 1

(WARNING! this contains violence, swearing, blood, vomiting, torture, themes of child abuse and also contains spoilers from the show so be careful and don't read anything that may trigger something. Much love, Wolfy.)

Screams, blood spraying onto his tongue and running down his throat, chunks of warm meat in his mouth, skin caught between teeth.

"Gar. Wake up."

Garfield snapped awake with a gasp, instinctively shoving himself backwards, scrambling away from the hands that reached for him. Whimpers flew from his mouth as he panted, pressing himself to the inside corner of the car as wide eyes watched him.

"Gar? It's okay. You're safe now."

It was Kory, she crouched, patient as Gar came back to himself, racing heart slowing to a more acceptable rhythm.

He was in a car, the light outside bright and new, the air smelling fresh like it was early in the morning. He was safe.

"Kory?" Gar blinked, shivering as he looked around. They were back at Batman's safe house, parked outside where birds were singing from the trees. "Where's Dick and Rachel?"

She nodded her head backwards, towards the house. "Inside. Do you need help?"

Her eyes were pinched in worry and Garfield felt suddenly very lost. It felt like it had been forever since he'd been in Chief's mansion with Rita, Larry and Cliff. He'd been bored there, trapped and isolated and now he was shaking in the back of a car, a woman who didn't even remember who she was, trying to coax him out. He was so far from what he knew and yet her voice was so gentle and he found himself nodding.

She reached for him, hands outstretched and waiting and he crawled across the back seat to get to her, taking her warm hands in his cold ones.

She pulled him out, helping to steady him on his tired feet and wrapping an arm around his shoulders as they walked to the house. He leaned into her side, shivering.

"You were talking in your sleep. You kept apologising to someone."

Garfield looked up at her in surprise as she rubbed a hand over his arm, eyebrows creasing again. "What are you sorry for, Gar?"

The boy swallowed, stomach rolling at the taste of copper in his mouth. He looked away, not sure how to answer such a big question and stayed silent until they got inside.

Dick was passed out on the couch, looking like Kory had dragged him there, which she probably had. Rachel was watching over him worriedly, laying a blanket over his battered form but she looked up when they entered.

Her eyes widened at the sight of Gar, arms wrapped around himself, eyes low and she started forward. "Gar, are you okay?"

He nodded, not looking at her and she stopped a meter away from him, eyes flickering up to Korys, asking for guidance. Her mother was upstairs, asleep, her blood mother, her only family left and yet she was looking to Kory for answers and protection.

"I'm going to get him cleaned up. Can you make some tea?"

Rachels gaze flickered between Gar and Kory and she finally nodded, turning away to get started. Kory led Garfield to the bathroom, pushing the door open and ushering him inside, only for his stomach to roll.

They had kept that creepy guy, Dr Adamson, in there and his blood was still smeared across the floor, metallic and old and it curled Gars stomach into a knot.

He gagged, the smell stabbing at his nose and he lurched forward, hands scrambling against the door as he tried to retreat. "Gar? Shit."

His body was at war with itself, needing to get away but wanting to get to the basin so he could expel everything in his stomach. He gagged again, coughing from the force of it and Kory pushed him forward, hand on the back of his neck to guide his head over the sink.

His hands slapped against the basin, fingers pressing against the cold so hard they bleached white as sweat broke out over his skin. Garfield moaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he finally threw up, red splattering the perfect white.

His stomach clenched painfully hard, and he trembled, knees threatening to give out as his head spun. When the first bout ended, he panted, moans dragging from his mouth as tears streamed down his face.

Blood and spit dripped down his chin into the stained sink as Kory swore behind him. "Shit. Dick! Get in here!"

Her hands rubbed over his back, distracting him as he tried to breathe through the rising nausea in his throat. He was going to throw up again and he groaned at the tugging feeling in his stomach as if it were being pulled up his throat.

There was a grunt of surprise and the sounds of feet and hands scrambling before a clumsy, tired Dick was in the doorway, barely on his feet. "What? What is it?"

Kory pointed as Garfield's hands gripped the sides of the sink again, blood and acid pouring from his mouth.

"Shit. Is he hurt? We need to get him to a hospital. If he's throwing up blood that-"

"It okay." Rachel's' voice pulled Dicks gaze to her crestfallen face, her quiet words almost covered up by Gar's gagging. "It's not his."

Dick frowned, looking a little more awake now that adrenaline was running through his system once more and both he and Kory waited for an explanation. Rachel sighed, shoulders curled towards her ears as she tried not to cry.

"There was a man. At the asylum. He hurt Gar and he was going to hurt me and my mom. Gar...he stopped him."

Dick turned back to Garfield, watching the boy in the mirror as he panted over the sink, arms shaking as he tried to hold himself up.

He'd had red smeared across his chin long before he started vomiting. Dick remembered seeing it there when they left the asylum, matching the blood that had dried on the boy's hands.

Rachel lowered her voice to a whisper as if trying to stop Gar from hearing her words. "He bit him."

"Oh, Gar." Dick felt the weight of the words, knew what they meant for the boy.

Garfield moaned as blood and spit slipping down his chin and his knees buckled.

Three sets of hands reached for him but Kory was the one to catch him, holding him up and tipping his face forward over the sink again. "It must be the smell of blood in here. We need to get him out!"

Rachel was frozen in the doorway so, Dick moved forward, grabbing a cloth from a handrail and pressing it carefully over Gafields mouth. "Hold this!" He grabbed Gars's hands and brought it up to press against the cloth before scooping the boy into his arms and running from the room.

By all accounts, Dick should have been too tired and beaten up to carry anyone but Gar needed him and that was enough. Dick ran up the stairs, to the other bathroom, carefully lowering the boy to the ground in front of the toilet, holding him up so that he could empty his stomach.

"I got you. You're okay." Dicks' hand rubbed over Gars hunched back, reassurances muttered in a lame attempt at keeping the teenager calm. But there was far too much going on in Gars head for him to calm down any time soon.

:::::::::::::::

"Garfield, I need you in the lab today." Chief's voice was casual as if he didn't know what the words did to the boy. But of course he knew, how could he not when Gar kicked up a fuss every time.

Gar froze, hands stilling over his plate where he'd been about to finish his pile of strawberries.

"Um, do I have to? I mean, it's not like anything's changed and I wanted to finish this game I've been-"

"Garfield. You know how important my research is."

Rita put down her fork, losing her appetite at the scared look on the teenager's face. Her mouth started to melt at the side, her shoulders bubbling as she lost herself and she quickly stood. "Excuse me, I need to go to my room."

"I know it is but I just thought-"

Chief looked up, pinning his scathing gaze on Gar, stopping his words in an instant. "You will do as you're told. Or do you need Cliff to help you obey?"

Garfield was starting to panic, eyes searching the room for help but Larry and Cliff had turned away, hating it as much as he did. He turned back to Chief, breaths beginning to speed up as he panicked.

"It just hurts so much and I really don't think I can-"

Chief was losing his patience and he stood from the table, glaring at the teenager. "You selfish boy. Do you really think you are more important than all the people I can help with this research? You think their lives are worth less than your comfort?"

Gar's head dipped, eyes lowering to the table as his voice shook. "No."

"Then get to the lab, now. I don't want any more fuss."

Gar didn't move, tears dripping down his cheek as he started to cry, scared and traumatised enough. Chief sighed, watching the boys shoulders shake and softening his voice.

"You know I care about you very much, Garfield. And I know you don't like it but this work I do is important and your cooperation will help many people once my research is done. Be brave, Garfield. I know you can do it and I'll be with you the whole time. You won't be going through it alone."

Voices warred inside Gar's mind. Being experimented on was wrong and cruel but Chief saved him, he cared for him and he said it was the right thing to do. Maybe he was just being selfish. The others always submitted to experimentation without a fight although to be fair, their's never resulted in hours of screaming like his did.

Gars instincts told him to run, to fight, to do anything to stay out of the lab. He was scared but he didn't want to make Cheif mad either so, he tried to do as he was told.

He stood, hands pressing to the table as he tried to make his feet move, Chief already heading to the lab. He forced his feet to shuffle forward, following behind as they made their way down the hall.

He got all the way to the door but seeing his familiar chains sent him reeling back into a panic and he couldn't do it. "No, I can't! I can't!"

"Cliff!" Chief was mad, his voice terse and loud and Gar tried to back away, only to find a wide metal chest blocking his way. He pressed his hands to the familiar shirt, sobs breaking his words in half.

"Please, don't make me. Please, Cliff, I can't. You don't know what it feels like."

Cliff didn't want to either, he hated it even more than he hated the cold body he was trapped in. But Chief knew best. Right?

"I'm sorry, kid. You'll be okay." His rumbly voice was kinder than it ever was and Garfield pressed his forehead to the giant's chest, not strong enough to move him from the doorway.

"I'm scared, please. I don't want to do it. Not again."

Chief was getting impatient, already snapping gloves on. "Get him in here, Cliff."

The robot took Garfield's wrists in his hold as gently as a man with metal hands could. "I promise, as soon as you're done we can play video games for as long as you like. Larry will cook you whatever you want and I'll get you some new comic books."

Garfield's knees gave out and he slumped against him, those cold hands pulling him into the lab. "I don't want to go. Please, Cliff! Help me!"

If Cliff could cry he would have, dragging the struggling boy down the steps to the chains waiting for him.

Chief watched with cold eyes as Cliff brought Gar over to the wall, pushing him down till he was kneeling on the hard concrete. "Garfield, you're only thinking of yourself. What if this could have saved your parents. You would have done it wouldn't you?"

Cliff flinched at the words as Gar's struggling stopped. His parents. It was cruel to bring them up but Chief was right, he would have done anything to get them back. Tears dropped from Gars chin to splatter on the floor as he trembled, nodding.

Chief pressed a hand to Gars hair, gentle and loving if that's what you could call it. "Help save someone else's parents. Do it for them, Garfield. Be a good boy."

Gar's bottom lip trembled as he let out a hiccupped sob. He missed his parents so much. Missed the way his mom would brush his hair back when he was scared, her hands always so soft. And his dad would tell him everything would be okay, his words strong and inarguable, making Gar believe him.

"You'll be okay. I'm here, son."

He wished he had them now.

Gars shoulders slumped and he sank down to his haunches, defeated. There was no getting out of it but Chief wanted to give him the illusion that it was his choice. And what else could he do? He missed his mom and so, he nodded and tipped his head to the side, waiting.

Cliff hated himself more than he ever had as he picked up the collar attached to the chain at the wall and wrapped it around Gars neck.

"Thank you, Garfield. You're a good person." Chief stood there, waiting with a syringe in hand as Gar lifted his wrists for Cliff to chain up as well.

The leather cuffs wrapped around his thin wrists, linked to lengths of chains attached to the floor to keep him from hurting anyone during the experiments.

"Thank you, Cliff. That will be all."

Cliff didn't want to leave the kid chained like an animal, didn't want to leave because he knew that when he did the screaming would begin and it wouldn't stop for hours. But Chief was in charge, he'd saved all of them and that earned him trust and loyalty. But should it have? When it cost so much?

He left, and Gar started to cry again at the clunk of the door shutting and locking.

Chief stepped towards the boy, needle raised and cupped a hand to the back of Gars head. It was almost a kind gesture, before his fingers curled, gently gripping that green hair and holding Gars head back.

"You know I only do this because I care about you and want what's best."

Garfield would have nodded if he could but as it was he could only blink through his tears and mumble an affirmative.

Chief didn't bother with anymore preamble, pressing the end of the needle to his experiments neck and watching the green ripple through Gars skin.

Agony tore through him, skin and insides burning as his body felt like it was ripping apart, every cell trying to rearrange at once and become something new. Chief had once told him the purpose of the experiments were to try and perfect the serum, making it less painful and perhaps quicker. Or maybe he was trying to get Gar to turn into something other than a tiger. Gar couldn't remember anymore, couldn't think.

All he could do was scream as his spine rippled, bones breaking and reforming as he tried to change. His claws extended, raking across the concrete, over well-worn claw marks already etched into the ground.

Garfield screamed until he had nothing left, and only when he begged Chief to just end it already, did the pain stop.

"Please, make it stop. Make it stop. M-make it stop."

Another needle was pressed to his skin, this one welcome. "It's alright Garfield. It's over now. Sleep."

:::::::::::::::

Gar woke up on the bathroom floor, head pillowed on Dicks lap, his hand resting in Gars hair like he had been running his fingers through it but since stopped. His eyes were set forward but focussed on nothing, lips pressed together like they were when he was deep in thought.

Gar didn't want to move. Dicks hand was gentle in his hair, thumb stroking back and forth absentmindedly and the teenager closed his eyes for a second longer, savoring the calm safety he had in that moment. There, laying in Dicks lap, he was safe and no one could hurt him. But it couldn't last forever. The burns on his back hurt where they pressed to his shirt and he winced, pulling Dicks attention back to him.

"Gar. Hey, buddy." Dicks hand didn't leave his hair until the teenager sat up, curling his fingers into a fist to rub at his eyes and pausing when he pulled them away again.

Dried blood was crusted under his nails and smeared across his palm but something inside him was too tired to panic anymore and he lowered them to his lap. Dick watched him closely, voice rough and tired but gentle and warm all at the same time.

"You okay?"

Gar ignored the question, asking his own instead. "How long was I asleep?"

"Just a couple of hours."

Had Dick stayed the whole time? Gar watched as he carefully stretched his legs out, wincing as the stiff muscles moved. The older man hadn't changed out of the clothes he'd been wearing yesterday and his face was still streaked with dirt.

Gar felt guilty and curled into himself a little. "You didn't have to stay." Dick had been hurt at the asylum too, he must have been in agony sitting on the hard ground like that but he just shrugged and leaned against the wall behind him.

"I didn't want to wake you. It's okay, I got some sleep in too."

Gar couldn't tell if he was lying or not. Rachel would know.

He watched Dick carefully, waiting for the lecture, for the telling off. He waited for Dick to tell him he was selfish and stupid and responsible for not only his team's injuries and trauma but also the deaths of everyone in that asylum. But it never came.

Instead, Dick watched him back, face pinched in worry. "How are you feeling?"

Gar shrugged, feeling his burns shifting against his shirt. "Like shit."

Dick laughed a little, tired and familiar. "Yeah, me too."

Gar looked back over to their new families leader. His head was leaned back against the wall, dirt and ash streaked across his jaw, barely covering the bruises that laid under it. His hair was dirty, strands falling over his forehead and yet he seemed content to just sit on the floor of the bathroom with Gar.

He could have left him there, could have put him to bed and left the kid to deal with his own problems but he just sat there, not wanting to leave Gar alone until he was sure he was alright.

Gar was grateful to have him there and couldn't help but ask. "Are you okay?"

Dick shrugged, rolling his head a little on his neck. "It's nothing I haven't dealt with before."

Gar frowned, the new information piquing his interest. "You've been drugged and tortured before?"

Dick half smiled as if it were funny, eyes drifting off again before focussing back on the teenager. "Kind of, yeah. But you don't have to worry about me, let's focus on you."

Gar didn't know if he wanted to do that and he wondered if that's what Dick was doing, taking care of others so, he wouldn't have to think about his own pain. "Rachel said they had you in a cage. Gar, did they hurt you?"

Gar didn't want to talk about it but he needed help with the burns and he desperately wanted someone to take care of him, to make the pain go away and to make him believe he'd be alright.

He nodded, eyes averted from the older man's gaze.

Dick was gentle as Gar folded his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "What did they do?"

Gar shivered and held himself himself tighter, eyes kept carefully away from Dick. "They wanted me to show them my powers. They chained me up...they used one of those tasers. Just...over and over."

Dick cursed under his breath as Gar rubbed a fist over his eyes to rid them of the tears blurring his vision. "They still hurt."

Dick sat up, pushing away from the wall as he inched towards the teenager. He wasn't totally sure what Gar needed from him, or how much. Did he want a hug? Or space? Did he need a soft hand or guidance on how to be strong? Which was the right way to move or speak?

Dick suddenly hated Batman a little less, faced with so many unknowns and potentials for failure. And then he hated him a little more. Because as soon as Dick saw the tear tracing down Gars jaw, and that trembling bottom lip, he knew what he needed to do.

His hands slid around the kids shoulders and tipped him to his chest, wrapping him up in a hug. Gar sank into him, hands finding Dicks arms and gripping tight, shaking shoulder pressing to Dicks sternum as he tried not to fall apart.

Gar felt Dicks hands rubbing gently over his arms, holding him tight as his rumbly voice came close to his ear. "You're okay. You'll be okay. I got you."

Gar had arguably been through worse than being captured and tortured. Losing his parents, almost dying from a rare illness, alone and scared, Chiefs experiments. But the thing about awful experiences is that they dont fit on a scale and the worst doesnt take precedence, clouding out the others. It was more like a chore chart where they took turns fucking you up.

And Gar had too many to deal with all at once. He was tired and sore and scared and Dick holding him tight, making sure he wouldn't shift into a monster again, was all that he wanted.

He turned in the hero's hold and pressed his face to Dicks neck, hiding from the world for just a moment. Dick adjusted smoothly, hugging the kid back and running a hand over his hair at the back of his neck, words hushed and gentle.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm gonna take care of you, Gar. You don't have to worry about anything."

"I was so scared. I'm sorry I went there. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." Words spilled from Garfield's mouth, rushed and panicked and Dick shook his head, frowning.

"That doesnt matter right now."

Gar couldn't stop the sobs that ripped from him, noisy and breathless. "It was all my fault. You and Kory and Rachel got hurt and p-people died. I killed someone."

Gar gripped Dick tighter, waiting for the harsh words and the lecture, telling him he shouldn't ever disobey Dick again. He waited for that same cold glare that Chief gave and the list of repercussions that he should feel guilty for but Dick didn't wasn't interested in any of that.

"I'm not angry, Gar. No one blames you. Calm down. It's okay."

Garfield shook his head, sniffling as he insisted. "No, I screwed up. I was stupid and reckless and it's all my fault! You should be mad at me. You're mad at me."

Dick tugged Gar away so that he could look at him and Gar sucked in a breath, readying himself for the reprimand.

"Gar, I'm not mad. What you did was reckless and I wished you would have listened to me but...You're a kid, you made a mistake. It's okay."

The teenager sniffed, raising his wide, wet eyes to Dicks kind ones. "Really?"

"You were trying to help Rachel, you thought you were doing the right thing and it turned out to be a trap. It happens."

Gar was almost trying to convince Dick to be mad and he wasn't sure why it wasn't working.

"You told us it could be a trap. That's why you wanted to wait."

Dick nodded, laughing a little. "Gar, you didn't even know me a little while ago. I'm not going to get mad at you for not trusting me. Do you know how many times I ran away from Batman when he first brought me in? Or how many times I stole his car?"

Gar sat forward, listening eagerly. "You stole Batman's car?"

Dick amended. "Well, Bruce Waynes, technically. Listen, you made a mistake, one I hope you won't make again but the only thing you have to take away from this is that you can trust me and Kory. We would never do anything to hurt you, buddy. We only want what's best so, next time you want to break into the secure facility of an evil corporation intent on reunighting Rachel with her demonic dad and taking over the world just...trust me, okay?"

Gar smiled, just a small smile that curled the corner of his mouth upwards a little, but it was there. "Okay."

Dick smiled too, nodding. "Okay, now let's get you cleaned up so, you can get to bed. Its been one long ass fucking day."

Gar nodded and wiped the last of his tears away as Dick got slowly up from the floor, reaching back down to help pull Gar to his feet.

He sat the boy on the edge of the bathtub and turned to wet a cloth in the sink. "I know you just spent the first part of your morning puking but you need to eat something. When we're done in here I'll make you something. What are you hungry for?"

Dick placed a hand under Gars chin, holding him still as he wiped the cloth over the boys face. "Do we even have any more food here?"

The cloth was warm on his skin, gently scrubbing the tear tracks from his cheeks and the blood from his mouth and chin. Dick thought, moving the cloth down to Gars hands to scrub the red away. "We might need to go shopping. Come on, if you could have any kind of food, what would you have?"

Gars face softened, fingers stretching out so Dick could scrub them. "My moms soba."

Dicks eyes flickered up to the boys face, his own voice lowering to match Gars. "I miss my parents too. And I doubt I could make soba as good as your mom but I can try. If that's what you wanted."

Gar smiled, actually smiled, his eyes lighting up along with his face and he curled his fingers around the cloth still cleaning his palms. "Thanks but...Maybe we should stick to pancakes."

Dick, glad to see the kid coming back to himself, couldn't help but lift a hand to ruffle through that green hair. "You got it."

::::::::::::

Once all his burns were disinfected and covered Dick helped Gar slip his shirt back on, too tired for a shower. "You go on and sleep. I'll clean up here."

Gar paused, watching Dick sway slightly on his feet, his tired hands picking up dirty alcohol wipes and throwing them into the bin, missing entirely. "Are you sure? Doesn't someone need to check you over?"

Dick smiled again but this time it was too tired to meet his eyes, barely even lifting one side of his mouth. "Nah. I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

Gar wasn't sure but Dick had taken out like, eight fully armed guys by himself after being drugged and beaten, so, he was pretty sure he'd be okay cleaning a bathroom. "Okay. Thanks for...everything."

Dick nodded, head almost too heavy to lift by himself. "No problem and hey, Gar."

The teenager turned, waiting.

"Give Rachel a hug, I think she could use one. I'll be out in a bit, okay?"

Gar nodded and left, pulling his jacket back around his shoulders and relishing in its familiar, reassuring weight.

Rachel was waiting at the table for him when he entered the kitchen and she immediately stood, making her way over. "Gar! Are you okay? I was so worried. I saw you on the ground with Dick and I wanted to stay but he said you needed to rest so-"

Her hands were reaching for him but afraid to touch and Gar didn't want her to be afraid of him. He reached for her, preparing himself in case she flinched back but as soon as she saw what he wanted she launched herself into his arms.

"I'm okay."

Her arms held him tight and he felt a little stronger, a little less lost. She was smiling as she pulled back. "Good."

A faint grunt and a series of thumps made the both of them flinch, heads whipping around in the direction of the bathroom. Gar started forward when Kory ran past instead, waving them back.

"I got it. Rach, get Gar to bed."

Something else crashed, echoing as it came from the bathroom and Gar and Rachel waited a few seconds before following after Kory.

They kept their steps light and quiet, knowing that Kory would only send them away if she saw them. The door was slightly ajar and Rachel and Gar peered through the crack to see what was happening.

Dick was on the ground, slumped against the bathtub as he panted, legs askew like he'd fallen there, Kory crouched in front of him.

He was shaking slightly, shivering as he looked up at the bright woman in front of him.

"I'm so tired, Kory."

She nodded, quiet. "I know."

"Those kids...we have to protect them." Dick's face was drawn, sweat beading across his forehead like it was a monumental effort just to stay sitting up.

Kory reached forward and took his hand, tugging it gently as she encouraged him to stand, to move. "I know. We will."

Dick nodded, chin flopping back down to his chest as he panted, exhausted. He sighed, defeated. "I can't get up."

Kory laughed a little, her short reply almost a joke to the both of them now. "I know. Let me help. It's your turn to fall apart. Its okay."

Her last words were said so softly, Gar and Rachel found themselves leaning forward, wanting to hear every word shared between their leaders.

Dick nodded, face crumpling as his breaths sped up, and much to Rachel and Gars surprise, he started to cry. Kory didn't seem surprised, marley reaching forward to press her hand to the back of Dick's neck and gently pull him forward.

He moved where she guided him, his forehead pressing to her neck as her kind fingers massaged the nape of his neck, calming him down.

Maybe Gar should have felt less secure, seeing Dick cry. Afterall he was the one that was supposed to protect them. How was he supposed to do that if he was falling apart?

But seeing Dick cry only made Gar's resolve stronger because Dick wasn't some unfeeling, cold guardian. He was human, he was kind, he gave a shit. And they'd be okay, because when Gar needed Dick he'd been strong but Dick didn't have to be strong all the time. Kory held him up when he couldn't do it anymore and Gar would do the same for her and he knew Rachel would too.

They'd be okay because they had each other, their weird, conventionally challenged team that was more like a family. They'd be okay.

(When writing this I didn't know if id made it obvious enough, that connection between Dicks words and the words that Gar had wanted his dad to say to make him feel better so I hope you picked up on that. Also sorry this entire fic is a jumbled mess of ideas and potential storylines. Honestly its got the aftermath of asylum mixed in with this idea i had about gar comparing Chiefs father figureness to dicks father fignureness and realising that chief may have saved him but that didnt make him a good man. And also on the show chief straight up told rachel that he experimented on all the doom patrol people so i wanted to play around with that. Yeah so this fic is so mixed up and idk i just hope you liked it. Also if you are reading this and you havent watched the show yet I beg of you, watch it its amaaazzzzing)


	2. Chapter 2

(AN: So, i thought I had finished but nah I had more to write so this is the last chapter I hope you like it I just needed someone to take care of Dick)

Dick raised a tired hand to grip Kory's arm as he cried into her neck. Her fingers weaved into his hair at the back of his head, pressing soothingly against the muscles in his neck as he sucked in a breath, trying to calm down.

He was supposed to be strong, he'd tried to be for the kids but in reality he was winging it. He wasn't sure if anything he was doing was right.

"How did we get here, Kory? Those kids...they never should have been hurt like that. I was supposed to protect them."

She nodded against him, other hand rubbing over his back, trying to make him feel better. She wasn't exactly sure how. "You did, Dick. You were hurt worse than any of us and you still took down those guards on your own."

She pulled back, sitting on the floor with him as he sniffed. "I scared them."

Kory couldn't deny that. She remembered Gar flinching with every swing of Dick's wrench, turning away and trying not to vomit. It had been a bad night for all of them. "You did what you had to do."

Dick shook his head, slumping back against the bathtub as he shivered. "No, I...I shouldn't have…" He sucked in a shuddering breath, voice dipping to a whisper. "Chief hurt him. He hurt Gar."

Kory frowned. She had thought the same thing, the first time she'd seen that scared boy stumbling alongside Rachel she knew he'd been hurt for too long. But she hadn't ever heard anyone voice it aloud. "He told you that?"

Dick blinked his tired eyes, back aching where it bowed against the bath but he was too weak to move. "No, but I can tell. It's the way he curls into himself everytime he talks about Chief, the way he looks at me like he expects me to...I don't know. Chain him up or something. He says that Chief saved him but I know there's more than that. And I don't just mean that tranq gun. He used to hurt him and Gar is still afraid of him. I never wanted him to be scared of me too, but I think...I think I just blew it."

Kory stood, turning away from Dicks bowed head to grab a cloth from the sink, ignoring the stained one he'd used on Gar. "You give up too easy."

Dick raised his head at that, chin caught in Korys firm hand so that she could swipe the warm cloth across his jaw. "What?"

She concentrated on her work, expression made of hard lines and furrowed brows. "Rachel and Gar idolise you, Dick. They're not going to stop loving you just because you're a little messed up. Actually that's probably why they cling to you so tight."

Dick still didn't understand and didn't bother to answer as Kory swept his hair back, wiping the sweat and dirt from his face. She didn't need any prompting, explaining herself as he watched her with wide, glassy eyes. "They think they're monsters, that something's wrong with them and everyone around them will get hurt. You might be fucked up but at least they know you won't turn on them at the first sight of demons or claws. All four of us...we're messed up and scary and...scared. That's why we fit together so well."

For someone that didn't even remember who she was, she certainly had a good grip on who everyone else was. He nodded, or tried to, panting even as he just sat there, his eyes drifting shut.

Kory folded the cloth over, rubbing it behind the man's ears as he started to drift off. She couldn't remember ever having taken care of someone that way before but she found she enjoyed the calmness of it, feeling more connected to Dick than when she had been sleeping with him.

He seemed so soft sitting there, so vulnerable and something in her yearned to protect him in the same way she needed to protect Rachel and Gar.

Her concentration was broken by a noise that came from the doorway, a small shift like a knee against carpet but she heard it and put the cloth down, making her way over.

She pushed the door open, hearing little curses coming from behind the wood as she did, and she found the two culprits. Gar and Rachel looked guiltily up at her as they sat on the carpet in front of the door, both tipped back in their hands where they'd leaned away from the door when it opened.

"What are you doing? I thought I told you to take him to bed." She looked to Rachel and the girl nodded, pointing to the bathroom, dark eyebrows gathering over worried eyes.

"I know, but we wanted to make sure Dick was okay."

Kory looked back into the bathroom where the man was asleep against the tub, totally unaware of the eavesdropping that had gone on.

"He will be. How much did you hear?" She reached a hand down to both kids, hauling them up from the ground, being extra gentle with the boy as his gaze swept across the floor.

"All of it." Kory wrapped an arm around Gars shoulders, her other hand taking Rachels as she led them out to one of the bedrooms.

Gar looked up at her as he leaned into her side, feet clumsy and tired. "I'm not scared of him. I know he did what he did to protect us. I need to tell him that."

Kory pulled them along, guiding them into the bedroom and to the double bed that resided there. "You can tell him tomorrow. You both need sleep. Lay down."

Rachel's mother was sleeping in another room and while Rachel wanted to spend time with her, she didn't know her yet. The woman they'd rescued from the asylum had the title of mother, but she couldn't provide the comfort that Rachel needed after such a horrible day. And Kory knew that she would sleep best next to Gar.

The kids both crawled into the bed, Gar moving a little stiffly, and laid down as Kory tucked the blanket over them. "I'm going to take care of Dick and put him in the next room so if you need anything just knock on the wall or give me a shout and I'll be here."

Rachel pressed her head to her pillow, curling on her side towards Gar. "Thanks, Kory."

The two of them closed their eyes, Gar turning to Rachel and taking her hand, their clasped fingers laying between them on the mattress. Kory closed the door, knowing they would be okay for the night.

She made her way to the other room, grabbing a few of Dicks clothes before heading back to the bathroom, finding Dick in the same position she'd left him in.

He was still slumped, breaths coming even and deep as he slept and she carefully pushed the door closed before starting back on her work.

Dick stirred when she pulled him to lay flat on the ground, glassy eyes flickering open as he moaned. He didn't look at her at first, just blinked up at the ceiling as Kory carefully placed a towel under his head to protect him from the cool tiles.

"Dick? You okay?" Her hands moved with purpose, pulling the hem of his shirt up his chest and manoeuvring him out of the garment as he laid limp and pliant in her hold.

He didn't seem to be all there and it took a full minute for him to process her words enough to make any sort of an attempt at a reply. He grunted noncommittally as he searched for her, eyes roaming over the ceiling until he found her face.

He looked relieved to see her, shivering as she pressed her fingers over the bruises on his chest. She didn't remember how she knew to check for internal bleeding and broken ribs but she did, following her instincts and making sure he wasn't going to die in his sleep.

"You have three broken ribs, a few burns and a whole lot of bruising but I think you'll be okay."

Kory wasn't sure if he was aware enough to understand what she was saying and she pulled the first aid kit off the bench as his eyes roamed. His eyes caught on the slice through her clothes, where she'd been cut into by those awful scientists. She barely had a scar, her dark skin smooth and warm and Dick found his hand drifting towards her.

Kory paused where she'd been rummaging around the first aid kit, looking down to where Dick was tracing that new line across her stomach. He seemed entranced and Kory watched him closely, wondering what was happening inside his head.

"What?"

Dick frowned, rough pads of his fingers pressing to her stomach. "It healed."

Kory nodded, turning back to the first aid kit and pulling out some antiseptic wipes. "Yeah, I guess that's something I can do."

Dicks' hand stayed pressed to her stomach as he blinked, finding it hard to drag them back open once they were closed. The sting of the rubbing alcohol pulled a moan from him and he kicked a heavy foot against the floor, Kory's hand pressing to his chest to keep him still.

"I know, just hold still."

"Why did you have to screw it up?"

That voice. It couldn't be…

Dick rolled his head on the towel, heart thumping harder at the sight of his younger self sitting in the corner staring at him with hate-filled eyes.

He couldn't possibly be real but Dick's mind wasn't exactly running on all cylinders with the amount of drugs still in his system.

"I didn't mean to."

Kory didn't look up from her work, diligently cleaning and covering the ugly burnt wound made when the taser had been held to his side for too long. Two little prong marks like a snake bite marred his flank but he didn't seem to notice the pain, mind focused on something else.

"You didn't mean to what?" Her words were distracted but Dick barely heard them.

The boy in the corner was crying, glaring at Dick as he lifted his lip to bare his teeth, words deep and angry.

"I hate you."

Dick moaned, chest squeezing tight. Why was it was getting so hard to breathe? "I know."

Kory taped gauze to his side to cover the wound, her fingers working as her eyes flickered to Dicks' face. "You know what? Dick, who are you talking to?"

The boy crept forward, his hood casting shadows across his face and making his white teeth stand out, sharp and animalistic as he bared them at his prey. "You ruined everything. You broke it and thought you could run away to somewhere that was better. But you can't run from me."

Dicks' heart pounded too hard, aching as his younger self pressed his hands to Dicks' chest, pushing down and making it even harder to breathe.

"You deserve to die. For what you did to me, to those guards...and for what you'll do to _them."_

Kory was frowning down at him but Dick couldn't tear his gaze from his other self. There was so much anger in those eyes, so much pain. Dick sucked in a wheeze, hands scrabbling for the ones suffocating him.

"I would never...hurt...them." He pushed his words out between desperate pulls of air, only making Kory worry further.

"Dick, what's wrong? What are you seeing?"

His other self sneered at him, pressing down with all his weight until Dick was left with his mouth gaping open and closed with no air coming through to ease the burning in his lungs.

"Yes, you will. You'll hurt them like you hurt everyone. Like Dawn and Hank and our family at the circus. You've already hurt Rachel. How many times do you think she'll watch you leave before she gives up on you ever coming back?"

Dick used the last of his breath to dispute the harsh words, feet kicking weakly against the tiles as he ran out of air.

"No...I woul...dn't."

Kory grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little as she called for him, frantic. "Dick there's no one there! You're hallucinating, snap out of it! Breathe!"

He wanted to listen to her but he couldn't hear her properly, sounds muted and fuzzy, all except for his own.

"Maybe Garfield will be the next to plummet off a rooftop or Kory will be burnt to death with acid by a villain that you were too weak to stop! Admit it, Dick. You're a plague. It wasn't Batman that made you this way or Zuko. You've always been a monster."

Pain gripped Dicks chest in a vice and his hands were growing weak where he tried to push his other self away.

He couldn't drag in a single breath, couldn't move, couldn't call for Kory to help him. Maybe he didn't deserve it. Maybe he was the monster all the along.

Dicks' heart thumped hard against his rib cage, once, twice...his eyes slipped closed.

Kory shook Dick, watching his eyes flicker shut. "No, no, no, don't go to sleep!"

She pressed her fingers to his throat, waiting for the strong beat of life under his skin...she waited, but found nothing.

"Dick?" He wasn't breathing and his heart had stopped but she wasn't going to let him die.

"Shit. Shit!" Kory got on her knees and laced her fingers over his sternum, pressing down in rhythmic pumps as she called for help. She didn't want them to see, didn't want to wake them but she needed help.

"Gar! Rachel!" She heard a thump and a small squeal, not sure which one of them it was but within seconds they were both in the doorway looking down at Dick in horror.

"What happened?!"

Kory didn't stop compressions as she spoke, trying her best to keep calm in a very non-calm situation. "His heart stopped. Gar do you know what to do?"

The kid had spent some time under the care of Dr Caulder, assisting other patients and his help with her own intubation tube at the asylum meant he might be able to save Dick.

The boy's eyes were wide with fright but he nodded, setting his jaw in grim determination. He ran in and crouched by the sink, grabbing a bulky case from the cupboard. "We need to restart his heart before his brain runs out of oxygen and dies."

Rachel let out a terrified sob at his words and he turned to her as his hands pulled the defibrillator from its case. "It's okay. We'll save him, Rach. We'll get him back."

Kory was panting as she continued compressions, waiting until Gar was ready, to move back. He slapped the pads on Dicks' chest and charged the defibrillator, shuffling back when he was done.

"Hands off."

Kory raised her hands and Gar made sure no one was touching Dick before he pressed the button. He flinched as Dicks' chest arched into the air, shoulders jumping up to his ears. Rachel let out a small terrified squeal, crying as Dick's back slapped down to the floor.

The machine beeped, a robotic voice added to the thick dread hanging in the air. "No viable rhythm detected. Continue compressions."

Gar swore and pushed Kory back, pressing the heel of his hand over Dicks' chest and pushing down, eyebrows crowding over eyes that looked suspiciously wet. "Come on, Dick."

His head rocked slightly with each push on his sternum and Rachel dropped to her knees in the doorway, sobs choking her. "No, this isn't fair. You were supposed to stay. You're not supposed to leave me."

Gar pushed harder, tears slipping down his cheeks and blurring his vision as he cried out, desperate and afraid. "Please, Dick! Come on!"

The defibrillators shock pads were still stuck to Dicks' chest as they monitored his heart, waiting until there was a shockable rhythm. But there was none. It whined long and unending. His heart wasn't beating. They were losing him.

"No viable rhythm detected. Continue compressions."

Gar looked up at Kory, hands still pressing down. What was he supposed to do? What were they supposed to do if Dick didn't come back?

Kory didn't know. So, they waited.

Thirty compressions went by. "No viable rhythm detected. Continue compressions."

"Dick, please don't do this!" Gar couldn't see anymore, tears flowing freely and dripping off his chin to land on Dicks' chest and roll down his side.

Another thirty compressions. "No viable rhythm detected. Continue compressions."

Gar's arms were getting tired but he wouldn't give up.

Rachel was sobbing, breaths strained and choked as she sat slumped in the doorway, hands pressing to her chest as her heart ached.

"No viable rhythm detected. Continue compressions."

Gar sat back, hands falling still as they slipped from Dicks' chest. He sucked in a trembling breath, voice raw and heavy. "It's been over five minutes. Even if we managed to get a shockable rhythm...his brains dead. We lost him."

He reached for the defibrillator and turned it off, the long whine cutting off and leaving them all in thick, choking silence.

"No!" Rachel cried out, her pained sob making Gars shoulders shake as he broke down.

"I'm sorry. I tried but-"

"No, you have to keep trying! You have to!"

Kory looked up from the man on the floor, feeling more lost than she had when she first woke up in that car full of bullet holes. "Rach-"

Rachel cried out again, voice overlapping with Gars as he curled into a ball and began to sob, pressing himself to the corner away from the body.

"He promised he wouldn't leave me! He promised!"

"Rachel-" Kory wished she could split into two versions of herself to hold both kids at the same time. She wished she could do something to bring Dick back. She wished she could do more than hold them and tell them it would be okay when she didn't even believe it herself.

She stood, stepping around Dick and kneeling next to the girl, pulling her into her arms. "It'll be okay. You're okay."

It wasn't true and nothing would convince Rachel it was but it was all she could say as she dragged the girl into her lap and rocked her, trying to get her screaming to stop.

"We just got him back! He can't leave! Dick! Dick, come back! You have to come back! No, I need him!"

Something in her was building, something beneath her skin and in her chest and she couldn't hold it back. She felt it clawing its way out of her and she could do nothing but scream as it let loose.

Gar curled into himself tight, pressing his hands to his ears when Rachel screamed. It was so loud and so intense it felt as if the whole room was shaking. The mirror shattered, spraying glass all over the bathroom, crashing onto the floor before the window above the bath exploded too.

Rachel let it all out, her power, her rage, her grief. And Dick listened.

He sucked in a breath, shooting up off the floor and grabbing at his chest as he sat gasping, eyes flying open.

"Dick!" Rachel scrambled out of Kory's arms and launched herself at him, grabbing him in a hug and squeezing as tight as she could.

"R-Rachel." His arms hugged her back on instinct, comforting her through her grief over his own death. And wasn't that just the most Dick thing ever?

Gar uncurled, sniffling as he watched the two in awe. "Dick?"

The older man looked up, blinking at the wrecked appearance of the boy. "Gar? What's wrong? What happened?"

Gar crawled over to him, arms almost crumpling under him before he got there. Dick reached out an arm for him, allowing Gar to fall to his chest, hugging both kids close.

"Nothing's wrong. You're here."

Dick didn't know what the teenager was talking about but nodded, trying to calm them both anyway. "Yeah, I'm here. I'll always be here."

Rachel squeezed him tighter at his words as Kory made her way over, stepping around them to kneel in front of Dick. She looked terrified. He'd never seen her that way. With his arms full of kids he couldn't reach for her though he wanted to and he caught her gaze with his own.

"Hey. What happened? Is everyone okay?"

She nodded and to his horror, a tear fell down her dark cheek. He wanted to know what was wrong, why they were all acting as if they hadn't seen him in years but Kory smiled and he felt like everything was okay again.

"We're okay. You were hurt. We weren't sure if you were going to...but it's okay, now. You're back."

She reached for them all, shuffling forward and wrapping her warm arms around the three of them and although Dick still didn't understand, he didn't need to.

He was with his family and as long as he held them tight, nothing could ever be wrong.

(AN: sorryyyy it was darker than I intended. It kind of ran away from me and then dick just died so idk I hope you liked it let me know?)


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